In honor of Memorial Day, I’m remembering my identical twin sister Martha, who died several days after we were born.
Twins born a month premature had little chance of survival in 1962, a time before medical science knew how to save the tiniest of infants. I weighed just over 3 pounds, Marty just over 2. The doctors promised my parents neither of us would survive, but it seems even then I was determined to beat the odds.
This poem is written in the voice of my sister, who describes our experience in the womb: the veins lining the inside of the placenta we shared, her efforts to recite poetry about our time together , the fact that I was growing more quickly than she.
Hope you appreciate this poem about a primal kind of bonding and the profound sadness of losing someone whose DNA was identical to mine, someone who mirrored me even before the beginning, when “I” was “we” and “we” were wombed as one.
To my twin sister who lived to tell about it
The room, which was poorly lit
and warmer than we wanted,
curved around us
like planetarium
ceiling
like the rind
of cantaloupe
as seen from the inside
I remember how you traced
the networking of veins
with the stub that became
the index finger
of your left hand
While I recited garbled
poems about
the splitting
of space
the fact that you were
gathering more
matter
Kathryn M. McCullough 
Sad that you never had the chance to grow up with your twin.
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I know–it is sad! I think about her often and wonder what life would have been like if she had lived.
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I am also a twin and my sister passed away when she was three months old. I did not find out I had a twin until I was 30 year old. I always think about her and also wonder what my life would have been like if she was alive!
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Beautiful.
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Thank you, Heather. Happy Memorial Day to you in South Africa!
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A beautiful perspective, Kathy.
Sunshine xx
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Thank you, dear Sunshine! Great to hear from you——————–
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I’m so sorry for the loss of your sister. They say twins share a bond that those who are not twins can never quite comprehend. I’m sure this is part of the reason you still feel her and understand her yet today.
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Yes, it was a huge loss I rarely talk about–but a bond never quite broken–so strong and enduring, even in death!
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Very sad, Kathy. Sorry to hear about your sister.
Wow, 3 lbs. is very tiny, what a little determinator you are.
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I know–guess I developed that sense of determination at a very young age! Thanks for reading, Marianne!
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A fine rememberance poem…have a peaceful memorial day.
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Thank you, Charles–happy Memorial Day to you, as well, my friend!
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Beautiful. Sad. I wonder if the loss of your sister had a role in your later struggles. Perhaps a link that was meant to support was broken too early. Sorry, I’m struggling to find words today. Your words always share so eloquently.
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Yes, exactly, Lisa! You are equally eloquent, my friend! I often wonder the same thing!
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A beautiful memorial, Kathy. I’m sure your sister would have loved it (and you). I’m sorry you know the pain of living without your twin.
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Thank you, Amanda! It is a quiet but enduring reality of who I am! Happy Memorial Day—————-
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haunting, beautiful, longing, and lovely.
I can’t imagine a loss like that–what an amazing thought that one day you will be reunited and share this togetherness.
blessings–
jane
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Yes, Jane–I think about that often and wonder! Such great anticipation–what a reunion it will be!
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You’ve paid tribute to your twin beautifully.
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Thank you, Mark. Happy Memorial Day to you, my friend! Hope you have sunshine in Portland today!
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Beautiful. I don’t know what else to say.
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Thank you, Robin! That’s plenty to say, my friend!
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It is a lovely, poignant poem.
I, too, wonder about the trauma of losing her and your struggle to survive at such a vulnerable stage in development. I don’t believe it pre-determined your course through life, but I wonder if it created a nexus of possibility—one of those focal points in our lives where several potential paths are available.
Sending you love and good memories.
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Fascinating comment, Sandy! “Nexus of posibility”–great term! You know how trauma can trigger the genetic inclination for these illnesses. I can’t help but wonder what life would have been like had she lived, and if she too would have had this illness. I can only assume she would have. Thanks for the love and good wishes this morning!
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Oh Kathy, so sad this happened to you and your twin, but a lovely tribute you’ve written.
I read a book recently, “The Thirteenth Tale”, that talks a lot about the bond between a woman and her twin who died at birth – even though it was fiction, it illustrated to me the incredibly strong bond twins can share.
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Yes, I read that book, Deanna! Great one–really, really wonderful! Hope you had a lovely weekend, my friend!
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Kathy, thank you for this. My mother lost my twin about 7 months into pregnancy, and I’ve had that strange feeling of losing a relationship that technically I never had. This is some powerful, healing stuff!
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Oh, I’m so sorry, Tori! I know what that feels like, my friend. It’s so strange to mourn the loss of something that you never really had–I know. I understand! Hugs to you, my friend!
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So beautiful, Kathy. What a haunting and touching tribute to your twin!
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Thanks, Dana! I hope she somehow knows how much I miss her!
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An odd thought from my crazed mind. Maybe on some level your twin survived on in you. Could partially explain the multiplicity of your emotions and the difficulties you have faced in a way. You house parts of two distinct personalities. Just one of my whacked ideas :^)
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What a fascinating thought, Steve–that we–she and I– represent the extremes that are now housed only in me. Brilliant, my friend!
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I’m so sorry you didn’t get to spend more time with Martha, Kathy, but I’m happy you’re still here to tell us about her!
Hugs,
Wendy
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Ah, Wendy, what a sweet thing to say! I too am glad I am here to write that poem for her, from her, about her! What a wonderful thought. Thank you, my friend!
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As usual lately, getting to things late. This gave me an eerie feeling, as my dad was also in identical twin whose brother died, in their case, shortly after birth while Dad, against all odds, survived. My mom, though not a twin, also beat the odds, being born very late and way too small — 4 pounds. Grandpa used to joke there were better looking chickens in the butcher’s window. It always affected both.
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Fascinating– This may sound like strange question, but I wonder if either or both your grandfather or mother, remained relatively small their entire lives. I am by far the shortest of all my siblings.
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