I wrote the following poem when I was struggling to differentiate between what was real to me and what others told me was real–the inherent confusion of the psychotic, thinking, believing, even knowing I knew better, knew more, could intuit things the experts couldn’t.
Long Ago
I went to the lilac bush because it was is/is a safe place being nothing other than a branch a scent no light to make seeing happen They told me I was sick but I knew that it was better we only know the real by the not real Having lost all sense of up and down direction the dignity of admitting I was wandering eyes closed following a faint glow of incense burning on a shelf Smell, like touch, always precedes seeing
Kathryn M. McCullough 
I sense the sadness of losing your reality to their reality. I wonder which one is the better one?
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Great question, Lisa! There are some damn good things about manic reality–the greatest feeling in the world–only dangerously so!
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What a powerful verse capturing the emotions of that period in you life.
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Thanks, so much, Charles. I’m glad the poem spoke to you!
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Kathy–
powerful…even in the midst of a diagnosis you hadn’t yet wrapped your mind around…to know the truth of it, its terrible beauty.
blessings
jane
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A “terrible beauty,” indeed! That says it all–so weirdly oxymoronic, but so true! I’m so pleased the poem moved you, Jane!
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I find lilac bushes “safe” too, Kathy…we had them when I was growing up, and I have them in my yard now…
Hugs,
Wendy
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Aren’t they wonderful, Wendy!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And the scent is divine!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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So powerful. I sometimes think it takes a level of trust greater than what any of us can imagine to be able to accept a reality that differs from the one we are experiencing.
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Good God, you have said it so well, Renee! It is so counter-intuitive to accept another’s reality over your own! And scarey as hell! Hope you are enjoying London!
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Real is such a limiting word. I wish everyday life didn’t have to be “real”. Unfortunately, it’s a difficult world and I’m sorry to hear of your hardship. I wish you the best.
Peace,
Sam
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You know what, Sam–it IS a limiting word! I hadn’t thought of that. Thanks for the insight–thanks so very much! I appreciate your reading and hope you will come back—————-
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Wow. How do you do this? With simple, clean words you get across the complex struggle of figuring out whose real is really real. You are brilliant, and thank you SO much for sharing this with us!
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Gosh, Tori–thank you! I’m so thrilled the poem spoke to you! You have made my day, dear friend!!! You have made my day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Thanks for sharing Kathy, for helping me understand and learn
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You’re welcome, Elizabeth! How great to hear from you—————
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