I don't deal well with not knowing


Clearly I promised to begin blogging daily, but this has been the first day that I’ve come close to not fulfilling that commitment.  I’m simply too tired to compose anything remotely meaningful, which is sad since today Barrack Obama was inaugurated the 44th president of the United States–a hugely important event in the history of our country  I almost hate to comment on the significance of this day, as I’m afraid that anything I might say is already close to cliche.  To elaborate on the importance of our nation’s first African American president is probably commentary I’m not qualified to make.  Yet I can say that the event moved me–perhaps even deeply so–especially the president’s suggestion that we will extend a hand to those who raise their fist in anger against us.  That seemed a terribly powerful image.

On another note, I might mention my intense irritability.  I’m not sure exactly why or what’s wrong with me.  I only know that almost anything has the potential to irritate me and indeed does.  I feel like I need to escape into a bubble that will eliminate my contact with external stimuli–especially sounds–sneezing, snoring, barking, breathing.  I also can’t tolerate disorder or dirt. 

More than anything, however, I can’t tolerate uncertainty.  And almost everything about our lives right now remains in limbo, especially since S. refuses to even check her email in case she has not heard from her potential employer.  This seems utterly absurd, and it’s making me crazy.  If we don’t know something definite soon, I’m afraid I may go stark raving mad.  I might have to insist that she act soon, for the sake of my own sanity.  I don’t deal well with not knowing.  I don’t deal well with it at all.

2 thoughts on “I don't deal well with not knowing

  1. I completely identify with the feeling you describe here. I’m a bit of a planner so the uncertainty of a situation where I can’t really do that, heightens every other annoyance. I’m curious to read more of your blog to see how the journey goes, so I’ll be back!

    Like

    • Thanks for this comment. Actually, you articulate here something that I was not fully aware of for myself–namely that it’s not noly the frustration of not knowing, but that that, in itself, “heightens” every other. You are so right—————-

      Like

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