I miss Sara terribly when we’re apart, but now that it’s been four days since she’s returned to Haiti, I’m experiencing the separation more intensely. I tend to isolate when Sara’s gone. I want to be alone. I want to sleep. I can barely tie my shoe or utter a coherent sentence—let alone clean the house, cook a meal, or walk the dog. It’s a sad state of affairs.
Yes, yes—I know I exaggerate, but I did have one small victory yesterday afternoon, having managed to extricate myself from the green chair I’ve been living in for days and drag myself kicking and screaming to the grocery store. But then again, hunger’s a pretty strong motivator, and the only thing I want to do more than absolutely nothing is eat—eat everything—eat any and all things unhealthy and heart-attack inducing— I could so Twinkie and Ho-Ho myself to an early grave, it isn’t funny.
It doesn’t help that I’m on a diet. It doesn’t help that the date I return to Haiti has yet to be determined and will depend on security in Port-au-Prince over the next several days. It doesn’t help that Kentucky, besides being famous for its fried chicken, is in fact one of the most boring places on the planet—no rioting, no cholera, no real election fraud to speak of. Things are so comfortably tedious and middle class, that even the excitement phobic find themselves twiddling their thumbs and begging to be mugged, praying to be clubbed by a decent natural disaster. Even a blizzard would do.
Obviously though, I shouldn’t tease about these things. Obviously I should change this ornery desire to be anywhere I’m not—and never where I am—never in the here and now, in this city, in this state, on this day.
Please help me, God, to be content in the coming year—grateful for today, in this house with warm meals and clean water to drink. Please teach me to be grateful for the little things and thankful always for the heart-pounding passion that makes me miss Sara when she’s away. Please keep her close. Please keep her safe. Please take me to her soon.
How do you handle separation from the ones you love? Does humor help? Writing? Prayer or mediation?
(And thanks for the fabulous feedback and comments on my previous post. Please share your thoughts and feelings on this one, as well. My readers rock!)