I miss Sara terribly when we’re apart, but now that it’s been four days since she’s returned to Haiti, I’m experiencing the separation more intensely. I tend to isolate when Sara’s gone. I want to be alone. I want to sleep. I can barely tie my shoe or utter a coherent sentence—let alone clean the house, cook a meal, or walk the dog. It’s a sad state of affairs.
Yes, yes—I know I exaggerate, but I did have one small victory yesterday afternoon, having managed to extricate myself from the green chair I’ve been living in for days and drag myself kicking and screaming to the grocery store. But then again, hunger’s a pretty strong motivator, and the only thing I want to do more than absolutely nothing is eat—eat everything—eat any and all things unhealthy and heart-attack inducing— I could so Twinkie and Ho-Ho myself to an early grave, it isn’t funny.
It doesn’t help that I’m on a diet. It doesn’t help that the date I return to Haiti has yet to be determined and will depend on security in Port-au-Prince over the next several days. It doesn’t help that Kentucky, besides being famous for its fried chicken, is in fact one of the most boring places on the planet—no rioting, no cholera, no real election fraud to speak of. Things are so comfortably tedious and middle class, that even the excitement phobic find themselves twiddling their thumbs and begging to be mugged, praying to be clubbed by a decent natural disaster. Even a blizzard would do.
Obviously though, I shouldn’t tease about these things. Obviously I should change this ornery desire to be anywhere I’m not—and never where I am—never in the here and now, in this city, in this state, on this day.
Please help me, God, to be content in the coming year—grateful for today, in this house with warm meals and clean water to drink. Please teach me to be grateful for the little things and thankful always for the heart-pounding passion that makes me miss Sara when she’s away. Please keep her close. Please keep her safe. Please take me to her soon.
How do you handle separation from the ones you love? Does humor help? Writing? Prayer or mediation?
(And thanks for the fabulous feedback and comments on my previous post. Please share your thoughts and feelings on this one, as well. My readers rock!)
84TVN44FY898
Kathryn M. McCullough 
I found your blog through Tori’s post and I can tell right away that I will come back regularly. I love the way you ended in gratitude… it’s such a mood-altering substance.
LikeLike
Thanks for stopping by and taking the time to comment. I’m glad you appreciated the twist toward gratitude at the the end. I was concerned it might sound corny somehow. But it is wonderful to actually have someone that you miss and wonderful to have readers who comment! I appreciate you taking the time to “talk back” about this!
LikeLike
Kathy…you will be fine…anybody who’s strong enough to pick up and move halfway around the world can survive a few days alone! Twinkies are part of the Food Guide aren’t they…doesn’t the cream filling count as Dairy?
Wendy
LikeLike
How funny, Wendy! I’m with you about the dairy thing. That in itself is worth a post! Great comment!
LikeLike
Oh, sister, the times I’ve seriously over-indulged in Twinkies. I agree with Wendy’s idea, that the cream should count for dairy. So, if nothing else, you are building strong bones! I have had the luxury of never being more than a jump, skip, and a few cow fields away from most of my loved ones. I hope you and Sara get more quality time soon!
LikeLike
Thanks, Tori. I also think the stawberry pop tart is under-rated and could count as a fruit–maybe? What part of Tennessee do you live in?
LikeLike
I agree with Wendy – you’re a strong person!
Having said that, I understand completely how you feel. Willie goes away on business quite a lot. I’m fine if it’s just for a few days, and it’s in South Africa and we can talk via phone on a daily basis. But if it’s longer than that, and especially out of the country, I struggle.
There’s a reason they call carbs comfort food! 😉
LikeLike
Thank God I’m not alone in this. I find Haiti hard because we don’t have enough bandwidth to skype from there. Video calls help a lot–at least they did when I was in Vietnam. I talked with my sister more that way then I do on the phone when we’re both in the same city.
When Sara and I first got together Sara was spending large chunks of time in Asia working on the tsunami response–so we skyped twice a day. Sara now has a phone I can call toll-free, but still we lack the video component.
Gosh, aren’t I spoiled!
LikeLike
Kathy…I would have thought all the excitement from the Caddy Incident would have been enough…you could of course fabricate the rest of the story into a novel or short story while waiting for departure from neighborhood…as for me…I take to writing a journal to share with the one I miss…written conversations that we would have if they were there. 🙂
LikeLike
Ahhhhh, the journal is a great idea–and, yes, you would think that the Caddy incident would have been enough to keep me busy. However, no one had run into our house for several days now–so boring!
LikeLike
Kathy, it struck me that your “Fear and Trembling in the New Year” post coincided with Sara’s departure. Just a thought.
Over the last year or more, I’ve worked on my anxiety about loved ones to the point where I can function half-way normal. It’s a work-in-progress for me, but I am seeing and feeling great progress at times. I try to stay focused in the present moment and not let my mind-thoughts take me on a journey to hell.
As always, great post and great comments.
LikeLike
Interesting observation! That had not occurred to me. I appreciate your intuitive sense, Marianne! Thanks for sharing this—-
LikeLike
hang in there, Kathy…
my husband was in the Army–for 21 years…we had to deal with many separations–for training, his “regular job” , and several “ar-time” deployments…
the only way to handle it, I think…is to open your hands to God…and show Him what you love…knowing full well it could be gone in an instant…
blessings
jane
LikeLike
Thanks for this, Jane. Didn’t know you had dealt with these kinds of separations. At least I should be able to head to Haiti soon–as long as things remain calm–no rioting in the next week or so. Pray for us–please!
LikeLike
Gratitude is the way to go. 🙂
I don’t handle separation too well, to be honest. Whenever my husband and are separated (usually when he takes a business trip or I go east to visit family) I always, always feel a little lost, as if part of me is missing. Like you, I tend to isolate. It just seems somehow easier that way. I often take advantage of that tendency by planning at-home spa days or movie marathons or read as many books as I can.
LikeLike
Glad I’m not alone in how I handle alone time! Strangely, I was just reading your blog when the email came in notifying me of your comment! Love your photos!
LikeLike
Thanks, Kathy. 🙂
LikeLike
You are soooooo welcome!
LikeLike