I’m one of those people who, for better or worse, can only write what’s true. And the truth for today is ugly:
I’m disappointed by my seeming inability to cope.
I need a massive infusion of grace.
A holy yes.
So I offer this poem about my struggle to even write:
Country we come to only by leaving
There are no words
with weight and
only a limp
sags in the
dampening the tips of
moistening the verbs
the hinges are in place
but there is only
the low blank
noise of sentences
I remind myself though that writing is never a solitary act.
That is the holy yes!
I am with you in calling out for the Holy Yes–I know it exists and that when we are connected and united, the Holy Yes is ALL.
I pray for your encouragement today, that the burdens might be lifted for you…if even just around the edges.
blessings, today, always.
Thanks so much Jane for joining the choir! I’m a big believer that things always work out for the best. I believe in grace. I embrace grace. YES!
The words will come…and you will feel better…eventually…
Sending you hugs!
Thanks, Wendy! Maybe I just need to accept the words that do come even if they aren’t what I like or want. That has to be part of the solution.
I think we all have those times when the words will just not come…I so love the way you expressed the emotions…take care my friend.
Thanks, Charlie! The poem is one I wrote a long while ago, but it so says what I feel at this moment. Glad it spoke to you!
Beautiful. I love “the low blank noise of sentences.” You’re right–that’s exactly how it feels when you’re stuck.
Hugs to you, friend. I agree with Wendy. The writing will come. It has a way of refusing when forced, doesn’t it.
Thanks, Maura! Glad you liked that line. And, yes, I’ve got to stop pushing. I think that’s a big part of the problem.
It’s not just about the writing, is it Kathy? It sounds like life is weighing down heavily on you too …
My Pilates instructor said last week that there are days when we can balance, and days when we can’t. It’s not that we can’t balance any more, it’s that today it might be difficult. That’s all. That’s so true of life in general, and I know you will get your balance back. Be gentle with yourself.
Yes, we always get into trouble when we try to generalize beyond today. I love what you say about balance. It may be off today, but it may be back again tomorrow. Balance–an important word! Thank you——————-
Sometimes I wonder,”What is the point of all this? Am I just wasting my time? I am a terrible, good for nothing imposter of a writer!” But then other days the words come easily and I’m focused and intent on my message. Which one of me rolls out of bed is anyone’s guess.
Remember: Just write! (as Natalie Goldberg suggests.)
We all have our days.
Have to admit that I know what you’re saying when you mention fear that you could be an “imposter of a writer.” When I can’t write that’s how I tell myself I was able to write on the good days–by pretending to be something that I’m not.
Now you and I both know that good writing comes from truth and the actual “imposter” would not have been able to write the good stuff in the past. God, how do things become so twisted in my head sometimes?!
Thanks also for the Goldberg reminder! I need that.
When the writing is silenced, it can allow other things to enter the space. Sometimes, silence is the gift. Listen to it.
Renee, this is a profound truth. Thank you for this clarity! Thanks so much!
Wonderful poem! Sorry you are struggling at the moment. Sending you a huge virtual hug! Try to have a good day. 🙂
Thanks, Mark! This will pass and things will even out again. They always do.
It’s strange though how one’s current darkness always feels like the darkest ever.
YES! I know that life can be overwhelming, especially when you face the daily disparities and inequities that I am sure you deal with every day in Haiti. I feel the pain in your beautiful words. I sometimes reach that point of despair myself, often actually. But here is the thing, whether it is through a Holy Yes, or a energy connection, I have discovered amazing people like you who live in this world, and create change through the power of their passion and their words. Thank you for that. Now take several deep breathes, give yourself time to center, and then go outside and scream out loud (in a true primal scream) YES!!!!!!!
I love this idea of going outside and screaming the primal “YES!” I think I’d do that if the guard weren’t out there with his big gun! Wouldn’t want him to mistake me for a wounded animal and shoot! Thanks for making me smile this evening!
Probably a wise choice. Screaming into a pillow is the next best option. 😉
The pillow would be great! Good idea!
Nobody can be on (alert, energetic, open, on their game, on the ball, etc.) all the time– I definitely agree with what was said about balance earlier. I know that I usually try to push through my down days, but the real answer is just to accept them and let go! It’s amazing what acceptance can do. Just one more meaning of the holy yes: “Yes, I will accept what is.”
Yes, Dana. Acceptance is essential–not easy, but imperative. You are very wise! Thanks so much for this reminder—really, really important!
Your poem is beautiful. And your words will come when they choose to come, which I know doesn’t always sit well with us writers who want them to come when WE want them to come.
Trying to write a daily post, I often experience a loss of words. Sometimes I just write whatever comes to mind, and like it or not, it gets posted. Sometimes I begin to write, not knowing what I’ll be saying, and something good comes of it.
I hope that some grace comes your way and you feel your burdens lifted. Soon. Hugs, my friend.
Oh, Terri, thank you! You’re a sweetie. Yes, I should try just posting what comes. It scares me though. Have you ever read “The Artists’ Way?” I think Julia Cameron (spelling?) or someone like that wrote it–not sure on the name. She suggests people write what she calls “Morning Pages.” I forget the actual number of pages she suggests–maybe 2–of free writing first thing every morning. It would be interesting to do that and post what comes, though I don’t know if I’m that brave. Oh well, I admire your willingness to just write and post. That’s really wonderful, Terri!
Lovely poem. Sometimes one just has to let one’s brain rest a bit. I’ve found that only posting when I really want to has taken off the pressure a lot.
So take care of yourself, Kathy. Do what relaxes you, sleep, read and when you post you’ll find your readers will all still be here.
I think you are so right about sleep. It really allows the brain to rest like nothing else. I had forgotten that my doctor once recommended it as a way to alleviate stress. Hmmmmmm——
Non-resistance to what IS. Go with the flow. Acceptance. Non-judgement.
In no time, the words will appear.
I know you’re right, Marianne. You are so right. Thanks for the reminder!
I just read this and thought of you! We all have moments (most of the time I have WEEKS) of “off” before the “on”! Hope you enjoy!
I will check out the link. Thanks, Tori!
Just read the on/off post! Thank you. I loved it–very powerful!
I had a long period when I just didn’t want to write. Nothing could make me want to sit down at the computer. I know that’s a bit different from what you describe, but probably two symptoms of the same problem.
For me forcing myself was not helping at all. I decided to do something else creative. Paint, take photos, work in the garden, make jewelry. Whatever floats your boat. It helped me sneak up on my creative self by focusing my attention elsewhere.
This is a wonderful comment–so true and something I often need a reminder about. Sometimes it helps to shift to a creative activity that is non-verbal. Excellent advice.