A holy yes?


I’m one of those people who, for better or worse, can only write what’s true.  And the  truth for today is ugly:

I’m overwhelmed.

I’m tired.

I’m disappointed by my seeming inability to cope.

I need a massive infusion of grace.

A holy yes.

So I offer this poem about my struggle to even write:

Country we come to only by leaving 

There are no words

            with weight and

            density

                        only a limp

                        phrase which

                        sags in the

                        center like

                        wet clay

            dampening the tips of

                        fingers

            moistening the verbs

the hinges are in place

            but there is only

            the low blank

            noise of sentences

                 (alone)

I remind myself though that writing is never a solitary  act. 

That is the holy yes!

Yes?

33 thoughts on “A holy yes?

  1. I am with you in calling out for the Holy Yes–I know it exists and that when we are connected and united, the Holy Yes is ALL.
    I pray for your encouragement today, that the burdens might be lifted for you…if even just around the edges.
    blessings, today, always.
    jane

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  2. Beautiful. I love “the low blank noise of sentences.” You’re right–that’s exactly how it feels when you’re stuck.

    Hugs to you, friend. I agree with Wendy. The writing will come. It has a way of refusing when forced, doesn’t it.

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  3. It’s not just about the writing, is it Kathy? It sounds like life is weighing down heavily on you too …
    My Pilates instructor said last week that there are days when we can balance, and days when we can’t. It’s not that we can’t balance any more, it’s that today it might be difficult. That’s all. That’s so true of life in general, and I know you will get your balance back. Be gentle with yourself.
    Sunshine xx

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    • Yes, we always get into trouble when we try to generalize beyond today. I love what you say about balance. It may be off today, but it may be back again tomorrow. Balance–an important word! Thank you——————-

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  4. Sometimes I wonder,”What is the point of all this? Am I just wasting my time? I am a terrible, good for nothing imposter of a writer!” But then other days the words come easily and I’m focused and intent on my message. Which one of me rolls out of bed is anyone’s guess.
    Remember: Just write! (as Natalie Goldberg suggests.)
    We all have our days.

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    • Have to admit that I know what you’re saying when you mention fear that you could be an “imposter of a writer.” When I can’t write that’s how I tell myself I was able to write on the good days–by pretending to be something that I’m not.

      Now you and I both know that good writing comes from truth and the actual “imposter” would not have been able to write the good stuff in the past. God, how do things become so twisted in my head sometimes?!

      Thanks also for the Goldberg reminder! I need that.

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  5. YES! I know that life can be overwhelming, especially when you face the daily disparities and inequities that I am sure you deal with every day in Haiti. I feel the pain in your beautiful words. I sometimes reach that point of despair myself, often actually. But here is the thing, whether it is through a Holy Yes, or a energy connection, I have discovered amazing people like you who live in this world, and create change through the power of their passion and their words. Thank you for that. Now take several deep breathes, give yourself time to center, and then go outside and scream out loud (in a true primal scream) YES!!!!!!!

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  6. Nobody can be on (alert, energetic, open, on their game, on the ball, etc.) all the time– I definitely agree with what was said about balance earlier. I know that I usually try to push through my down days, but the real answer is just to accept them and let go! It’s amazing what acceptance can do. Just one more meaning of the holy yes: “Yes, I will accept what is.”
    Best,
    Dana

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  7. Your poem is beautiful. And your words will come when they choose to come, which I know doesn’t always sit well with us writers who want them to come when WE want them to come.

    Trying to write a daily post, I often experience a loss of words. Sometimes I just write whatever comes to mind, and like it or not, it gets posted. Sometimes I begin to write, not knowing what I’ll be saying, and something good comes of it.

    I hope that some grace comes your way and you feel your burdens lifted. Soon. Hugs, my friend.

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    • Oh, Terri, thank you! You’re a sweetie. Yes, I should try just posting what comes. It scares me though. Have you ever read “The Artists’ Way?” I think Julia Cameron (spelling?) or someone like that wrote it–not sure on the name. She suggests people write what she calls “Morning Pages.” I forget the actual number of pages she suggests–maybe 2–of free writing first thing every morning. It would be interesting to do that and post what comes, though I don’t know if I’m that brave. Oh well, I admire your willingness to just write and post. That’s really wonderful, Terri!

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  8. Lovely poem. Sometimes one just has to let one’s brain rest a bit. I’ve found that only posting when I really want to has taken off the pressure a lot.

    So take care of yourself, Kathy. Do what relaxes you, sleep, read and when you post you’ll find your readers will all still be here.

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  9. I had a long period when I just didn’t want to write. Nothing could make me want to sit down at the computer. I know that’s a bit different from what you describe, but probably two symptoms of the same problem.

    For me forcing myself was not helping at all. I decided to do something else creative. Paint, take photos, work in the garden, make jewelry. Whatever floats your boat. It helped me sneak up on my creative self by focusing my attention elsewhere.

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