Yesterday I finally managed to submit my “presentation portfolio” to the Writing Program’s Award Committee.  I say “finally” because it’s been an enormous task to assemble the monster in only one week.  In the future, I think the program should let instructors know they’ve been nominated before finalists are selected, so potential recipients have more than 7 days to complete a task that, at least for me, was extremely time consuming during an already busy part of the semester  Having said all of this, however, I should mention, as well, that I’m proud of the document I produced.  Both my student letters specifically and presentation over-all seemed strong.  Now I can only sit back and wait.

In Asia S. is doing well–“irritated” with me becuase of confusion over frequent flier miles–but well, nonetheless.  She returned to Saigon from  Bangkok last night, having announced  the evening before that the area office wants to send her to Afghanistan–an idea that definitely doesn’t please me, not only because I won’t be able to go, but also because it’s  dangerous, especially for aid workers.  I’m also concerned in the here and now, because S. seems so horribly home sick.  In fact, she acts down right miserable and displaces that misery onto me.  She’s in one of those moods right now where I don’t think anything I would do could help.  I just wish she wouldn’t blame me.  I’m overwhelmed as it is with work, with going to school and tending  to the house and yard and animals on my own.

Today specifically I mowed the lawn.  Now that might for most be a chore requiring moderate effort.  However, for me it’s been a massive undertaking–first because I had to pick up all the poop in the yard and secondly because  I had to actually get to the mower, which was buried under piles of clay pots, tangles of garden hose, and mounds of furniture picked up last summer from the curb.  Finally, my most strenuous task involved stacking hundreds of bricks I had dug up several summers ago during a resurfacing of Limestone Street.  Then and only then could I begin my mowing.  However, I had to stop that prematurely, as I no longer had the upper body strength to start the mower.   I did manage to finish the section inside the back fence, so at least that portion of the yard looks decent–thank God!

At any rate, I face a long list of household chores this weekend–everything from bathing the dogs to laundry and dusting.  Sometimes keeping up with this house exhausts me, especially now that the arrival of spring has doubled the work, with the addition of outdoor to already daunting indoor tasks.  Probably, however, I should be grateful that I actually have time this weekend to do these things.  Next week I’ll be inundated with 10 page student essays to grade.

I suppose I’ll go ahead and post this, since I have not updated this blog in several days.  Sorry for the delay and sorry, as well, that this is so poorly written.  I feel dull and uninspired–all saggy in the center and wrinkled round the edges.

This has been one of those “once in a blue moon” –one of those “I’ll never forget this as long as I live,”  “it seems to good to be true” kind of days.  What happened?  Well, I can sum it all up in one word–STUDENTS–and the fact that they still amaze and dazzle and humble me–still bring me to tears–to my knees–bring me to my senses and then some.

Basically, it all  boils down to my having received letters from three students wanting to champion my cause to the Writing Program’s ” Award Selection Committee”–three students who make the most stunningly beautiful comments about my teaching.  As I said in an email to Rachel this afternoon, the letters describe me as the kind of teacher I have always wanted to be but never dreamed I could be.

So to those of you who wrote those letters–THANK YOU–from the deepest place inside of me, from the bottom of my heart, from the center of my soul, from the still small point of my turning world–I THANK YOU!

I’ve been working all weekend on the portfolio I have to prepare for the Writing Program’s Outstanding Instructor Award.  It’s due Friday, so not a lot of time to gather materials or create documents that don’t yet exist.  I’ve done little but write for the past two days.  This leaves me lacking motivation to compose more this evening, but since  I didn’t post yesterday, it seems a shame to let another day go without updating this blog.  I just don’t know that I have anything memorable to share.  I feel sleepy and uninspired. 

It might be worth mentioning that my mother is due back in the US this evening.  In fact, her plane should have arrived in Lexington a couple of hours ago.  When I tried to call her a few minutes ago, she didn’t answer her home phone, so I expect she’s at Tyce and Alex’s for dinner, getting her first glimpse of Reeves in more than two months.  She’ll be pleased to see him!

In Asia S. leaves Saigon for Bangkok tomorrow–a trip she says she’s looking forward to–anxious to pin down the regional office about how long we will be in Vietnam.  At this point she seems to think we’ll be there well into the fall–perhaps, until we return to the US for the Thanksgiving and Christmas holiday.  When we go back to Asia in January, it will probably be to resettle in  Bangkok.

Goodness–this post is far from inspired.  I guess I dedicated too much time and energy to composing portfolio pages this weekend–no energy left for further creativity.  I may be smart to stop while I’m ahead, that is, before the quality of writing degenerates any further, assuming, that is, that the prose could get any worse than this.  This is clearly what Anne Lamott would call a “Shitty First Draft”–in this case,  both a first and final draft of excremental quality.

This morning I received an email from the Writing Program congratulating me as a finalist for the “Outstanding Instructor Award.”  This news, while humbling, motivates me to do what I can to earn that designation.  The letter invites me to submit a “Presentation Portfolio” that indicates why I deserve the award.  Having never assembled such a portfolio, I feel a bit intimidated.  I know I need to write a statement that  describes my “Teaching Philosophy” and assemble materials I’ve used in the classroom, as well as letters of endorsement from colleagues and former students.  Essentially, however, anyone who knows my story over the past 15 years will appreciate how honored I feel to even be considered for such an award, let alone be selected as  a finalist.  This opportunity rocks my world!

The truly amazing part involves the fact that I am leaving the program and even in light of that I’m being considered for such an  honor.  I had  personally felt a bit guilty about going, but I guess now I can put that feeling aside.  If I were to win this award, it would certainly be a great note to go out on.

But that’s enough about me.  S. called me this afternoon while I was attending the English Graduate Student Conference to, not only to congratulate me, but also to let me know she had arrived safely back at our Saigon apartment, after having spent much of the week in Hanoi.  As I think I’ve indicated before, it always comforts me to know she has arrived at any given destination.  I can then  breathe deeply and exhale in relief.

At any rate, I should probably wrap up this post and exhale all of my remaining energy this evening into portfolio creation.  Think how deeply I’ll be able to breathe if I actually win this award.

Wow!  Much has happened since my last post two days ago–namely that I have lost and relocated my partner, gotten a year older, and graduated from having to carry my nearly 50 pound dog everywhere–from bed to potty, from potty to food, from food to water and back  to bed again.  It’s been a hell of a week!  All of this and still more than 5 weeks till the semester ends, 5 weeks till I leave for Asia, 5 weeks till I can take a break from full time work and sole responsibility for the details of daily living that keep the home front functioning smoothly.

I’ll begin by addressing Ralph’s improved mobility, the fact that he is ambulatory again–not functioning fully of four legs but able to move himself from place to place quite nicely on three.  For his first couple of days post-operatively, he was barely able to transport himself to his water  bowl and back, let alone all the way outside to the yard.  And, of course, I’d do anything for my dog.  At the same time, however, it challenged me physically to schlep him from place to place–big difference between little Lucy, who’s 5 pounds and Ralph who weighs nearly 10 times that amount.

At the same time I was carrying Ralph from pillar to post, from post to pillar, I was fighting escalating panic about not hearing from S. and not having her respond to my emails or phone calls.  By lunch time yesterday what had been fear and worry, then panic and dread, has evolved into full blown and paralyzing terror, so much so that I contacted my mother in Belgium, S.’s sister-in-law in Lexington, and the headquarters of S’s employing NGO in Atlanta.  All of this while my partner was warm and well in Hanoi, thinking, according to her, that it had “not been that long” since we had talked.  By the time she called around 5:30 yesterday afternoon, I was in bed, trying to maintain my composure by sleeping away the terror that increased with each passing  hour.  When she attempted to minimize the significance of her silence, relieved as I was to know she was safe, I could respond with little other than anger.  Several more hours passed before I was able to enjoy a sense of relief.

Less enjoyable, however, was turning another year older today.  Lynn had taken me to lunch yesterday, but I was unable to enjoy any sense of celebration, since I was so worried about S.  Today many friends, family members, and students wished me well, but when school ended around one this afternoon, I came home alone to nap away the hours till S. would call this evening.  Now that she has and I face another evening without her, I want to curl up again and sleep–preferably for several weeks– dreaming  about that morning in May when I’ll wake up with the woman I love–happy, content, relieved–wrapped in the arms of a  Vietnam morning.

Monday, March 23, 2009

Today has been a marathon of nonstop activity, tolerable in and of itself, but needing now to blog seems  more than I can manage.  Not that I’m incapable of assembling words into sentences and sentences into paragraphs–I’m bothered more by the creative nature of the task.  I feel too depleted to write anything of merit, anything remotely meaningful, anything that any human being of even reasonable intelligence would want to read.  So you are hereby warned.  Read on and risk–risk what, I’m not sure.  Only beware.  Beware of boredom.  Beware of the unfun.  Beware of  borderline bitchiness on my part.

But, bitchy or not, I should mention that this evening Ralph is recovering from knee surgery–barely able to walk more than a few feet before needing to be carried.  I feel badly for him, as he’s clearly in pain.  Between the two of us, he’s the one deserving empathy.

But then again, S. deserves care and concern, as well.  Yesterday she moved into our Saigon apartment, and today she’s off on another trip–this time to Hanoi.  She’s got to be exhausted.

Instead, I’m the one barely able to keep my eyes open.  I think I’ll call it quits for the evening.  I think I’ll close my eyes and sleep my way to a better day.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

And now that  day has  arrived–not immensely better, but indeed a different day.   It’s Tuesday morning, and I’m at school, helping students do research in Young Library.  Unfortunately I don’t feel motivated to do much of anything productive with the next several hours.  I basically feel “blah.”  I think I’m missing S.

Actually I know I’m homesick for her.  She’s been gone for more than 3 weeks, and I’m beginning to tire of doing household chores alone, eating alone, sleeping alone, reading alone–essentially all activities done alone  deplete me.  And interacting with friends and family may help a bit–but not enough and not for long.  Good God–I sound pathetic.  Perhaps, I am pathetic.

Actually, I have accomplished an amazing amount since this morning when I felt so unmotivated–completed three loads of laundry and dusted  both our  library and  bedroom.  Okay, these may not be extraordinary achievements for an afternoon–not when I consider the amount my sister has to do when she gets home from work well into the evening, needing still to cook dinner, feed kids, help kids with homework, and complete the multitude of other duties motherhood requires.  So, hell, I have it made with only laundry, dusting, and care of one three-legged dog to do in an afternoon.  By the way, S. and I were wondering the other day what it might say about us that we currently have two animals that  function on only three legs.  Would that make us or them pathetic?

Okay, this has got to be a record–another day of amazing productivity!  I accomplished so much, I’m almost afraid the enumeration of completed tasks could, in itself, exhaust me.  But I’ll risk the mention of a few, namely the cleaning of the kitchen and downstairs bathroom, the vacuuming of the entire first floor (six large rooms), the completion of a detailed floor plan for the Student Center Grand Ballroom the evening of the Mountain Keepers event, the payment of my vehicle registration, the running of errands, the cancellation of my Lexington Herald Leader subscription beginning April 18th, and last, but far from least, the replacement of windshield wipers on my truck. Clearly the remedy for my mid semester slump  has been the energy-inducing nature of Spring Break.  I never dreamt I could accomplish so much with only one week away from school.

Also significant–that S. moves into our new Saigon apartment Monday afternoon, that our dog Ralph is under-going surgery in morning to repair his ruptured ACL, and that two stray cats have taken up residence in our basement, a squatting of sorts, both in terms of leaseless living and in terms of pottying in the cellar’s dirt floor–a soiling, if you will.  Do you suppose Air-wick would work in that setting or Glade plug-ins, perhaps?

Another record–that this may be my shortest post to date–wouldn’t want to spoil Spring Break with excessively shitty blogs–or would that be a “soiling” instead?

Recently my productivity has amazed even me, especially during the past week.  Not only have I managed to grade more student essays than I care to count and calculated and posted midterm grades, but also I’ve finished my official summary of student evaluations, registered for frequent flier programs with four  US airlines, and (drum roll, please) filed my federal and state income taxes!  Admittedly, there’s more to be done, but, goodness gracious, I’m feeling a great sense of accomplishment and enjoying the satisfaction that goes along with it.  The realization that Spring Break would be my last chunk of free time to finish  the tasks that have to be done before I leave for Asia has motivated me to maximize this opportunity–carpe diem in a work your ass off kind of way.

However, the week has not been all work and no play–much work and little play, perhaps, but last night, for example, I ate dinner with Lynn and the boys at Ricon’s in Chevy Chase.  Needless to say, for those of you who know my family’s tendencies toward hilarity, we had an awfully good time.  The evening culminated in an episode of serious spillage, when I tipped a tall plastic glass of diet Coke (a good 32 ouncer) into my lap.  Fortunately a friendly bus boy attempted to save me from my baptism by carbonated beverage.  He seemed to be standing by with mop and rag in hand waiting to intercept any unintended tippage.  However, as he lept to the rescue, my nephew Johnny interjected the best line of the night, commenting to said beverage-cleaner-upper, “Get that girl a sippy cup!”  Perhaps, it’s not as funny in the telling as it was when it happened, but I convulsed so in laughter,  the contents of my bladder threatened to  damped further already drenched drawers.  When it rains, it pours, so to speak, or shall we say “leak.”

Okay, this is becoming too silly to be funny–the blogged equivalent of slap stick.  But try me again next time. Perhaps then, I’ll apply the same productivity to humor, as I did to taxes–a comedy accountant, of sorts.

Hooray!   I have not only finished grading, but have also gotten midterm grades calculated and submitted to the university.  It’s an enormous relief to have completed both tasks.  I feel like fiddling on the roof, “Wonder of wonders, miracle of miracles. . . .”   I’m not kidding!  I still have a hell of a lot more to do before the end of Spring Break, but it does  indeed feel miraculous to have accomplished this much.

On the Asian front, S. reports having arrived safely in the far south of Vietnam in the Mekong Delta.  She’s exhausted, having slept little the night before she left, fearful that she would not wake up and miss her flight.  She returns to Ho Chi Minh City on Saturday, moves into our new apartment on Monday, leaves for several days in Hanoi on Wednesday, and then spends the following work week in Bangkok.   She may feel tired now, but I fear these back to back trips will only exacerbate her exhaustion.  I suspect  the lingering effects of her bronchitis might still be depleting her energy.

In addition to this marathon of back to back trips, S. needs to help me decide if Ralph will undergo surgery on Monday to have his ruptured ACL repaired.  The timing couldn’t be worse for my schedule, as I have to begin the final leg of my semester that morning.  However, in light of  our vet’s not being able to operate over Spring Break and my needing  to leave for Vietnam the first week of May, there may be no better time  in the foreseeable future.  So it’s now or never.

Wait–whether  it’s the Elvis song or the one from “Fiddler on the Roof,” this post includes more music than I know how to handle.  I may not be the most well-informed when it comes to popular culture,  but I do know one thing for certain–that  I don’t know how to end this without digging myself deeper and deeper into cliche, so I’ll not fiddle any more with revision.  Good God!  Could it get any worse!

It looks like S. has found us an apartment in Ho Chi Minh City/Saigon–one bedroom, one bath, lots of light, and, most importantly, wireless internet access.  It is nothing special, certainly without  some of the comforts I’ve come to associate with Bangkok, but adequate and centrally located in the heart of District One, the section of town with the highest concentration of expats and western style restaurants, shops, and entertainment venues.  It’s a relief to know  this search may have reached a successful conclusion.

Or has it?  I’m a bit concerned that S. did not determine if the place has backup generators.  I had read and S. experienced the other day that electricity is not always available.  Monday, for example, her office had no power, and without the ability to generate their own electricity, her staff had to relocate to restaurants and cafes around  town that did have that capacity.  Not knowing whether we’ll have that ability frustrates me, especially since I don’t handle  heat very well and want to feel confident we won’t be without air conditioning. 

More comforting, however,  is the fact that I’ve finished grading my second batch of student papers for the semester–and even more exciting than that–the fact that I finished with a good chunk of Spring Break left to enjoy.  Yet,  it’s more the idea of recreation than recreation itself that I appreciate, since I still have gobs of other work to do.  But it would be nice to go into next week ahead rather than behind, and having the time to so position myself is actually a luxury. 

Plus, I suspect  the semester will move quickly once Spring Break is ended, and it will be no time before I find myself rushing to leave for Vietnam myself–and that  Saigon apartment  we may well swelter in this summer.  No, I  hope I’m  wrong about the generator issue, and if it gets too hot, maybe I can insist on a trip to the beach.   Maybe generators aren’t all they’re cracked up to be.