I head back to classes  in the morning.  But all in all, I’d say, the weekend has been fairly productive, both in terms of work done on the house, especially in Rachel’s room, and tasks associated with school.  Perhaps, I’ve not accomplished quite as much as I’d like academically, but I have done enough to get by, and then some.

More important, however, is the fact that I plan to meet in the morning with Deborah, the assistant director of the Writing Program, to let her know about my plans for next year, to give her a heads up that I will likely not be teaching in the fall.  I’m both anxious to get that revelation over with and excited that I will now be able to share our Asian plans with other friends and colleagues in the English Department.  Keeping this information under wraps has challenged me considerably over the past month.

Less challenging this weekend has been the weather.  Temperatures have hovered in the 50’s, and tomorrow it’s supposed to hit the low 60’s–a far cry from the single digits we dealt with last week.  Our local weather forecaster, Bill Meck, is surely lamenting the lack of meteorological drama.

This morning S. and I hung the ceiling fan in Rachel’s room.  It looks great with the gray walls.  Yet another step in the right direction.

By the way, I forgot to mention yesterday that S. received a call from human resources at the NGO she’ll be working for, letting us  know that her first day of employment will be a week from this coming Monday,  February 16th.  It looks like she will have to spend the week of the 16th at the organization’s headquarters in Atlanta.  After that she’ll return home to Lexington for a week or so and probably be gone to Bangkok by the end of the month, which was when we had originally anticipated she’d be leaving.  The only difficult detail in this is that we will likely be apart for a solid 2 months before I’ll be able to join her in Thailand during the first week of May.  That will be our longest time away from one another.  Previously we had only been apart for six weeks–which I remember as agonizingly long.  I can only hope that our relationship has matured to the point that the separation will be a little less painful.  In the past I suspect the newness of our connection left me feeling insecure.  I believe that we have now built a strong enough foundation that I will feel more grounded when S. is away.  At least I hope that’s the case.

S. and I finished painting Rachel’s room today.  Hip, hip, hooray!  This represents significant progress in getting the  house ready for our eventual departure overseas.  I had begun to fear we would never get what had been our junk room emptied of its considerable content.  That part of the task in and of itself was enormous.  Now the space is not only free of stuff, it is painted, as well.  This makes my entire weekend worthwhile!  Even if I don’t accomplish another thing before Monday, I’ll feel confident having gotten that room moving toward  its new incarnation.  Thank God for small, or maybe not so small, miracles.

This afternoon I also managed to work out the daily schedule for my students’ second unit.  I had begun to worry about this, as I had to completely abandon the usual service learning project I do with Habitat for Humanity.  Instead my classes will be writing their second essays about problematic places on campus or in the local community.  Actually, I think they will enjoy this topic more than the one focused on volunteerism, and in the long run I think this will be less labor intensive for me.  Hip, hip, hooray, all over again!

S. is asleep in the bed next to me, and it is suffocatingly hot in our room, as both the heated mattress pad  and the electric space heater are on high.  S. is cold.   Perhaps, I’m at an age where I am beginning to suffer from hot flashes, but good god, I can’t tolerate the heat.  It’s the tropical temperatures that I dread most about Bangkok.  Actually that’s the only part of Southeast Asia I am not looking forward to.  What I remember about Thailand from a couple of years ago makes me think I will enjoy much about the country and its culture–especially the mangos. 

Today I returned to the classroom for the first time in over a week, which felt wonderful.  I can’t help but love my students.  They delight, to say the least.  Interacting with them and watching them learn pleases and fulfills me.  Probably I will miss teaching next year.  In many regards I think that getting out regularly,  interacting with others,  benfits my thinking and alleviates my anxiety, helps to normalize life for me and my mood-disordered self.

That being said, I must admit that I look forward to time off this weekend.  I want to hep S. finish painting Rachel’s room, have the freedom to nap in the afternoons and read for pleasure.  Certainly one of my greatest pleasures is curling up in bed with a book,  an activity I find little time for during the week.  God, it’s still too hot in here.

Today Millard Fuller, the founder of Habitat for Humanity International died–a sad event for many friends of S. and mine who happen to work for the organization in Atlanta, Americus, GA, and other locations around the world.  Millard was at times a controversial figure, but he worked hard, transforming lives around the globe, bulding homes and restoring dreams.  The world is a better place for  his having given what he did to house families in this country and countless others.

It should also be noted that Lexington is suffering today from its second snow storm in less than a week.  Good God–how much wintry weather can one city and one state endure!  At least the dogs are enjoying the opportunity to romp in the white stuff.  Lucy loves to bury her face in the powdery fluff.  Strange creature!

Today it actually felt good to be back in school.  I seem to be getting in the groove again, for which I am most grateful.  For several days I struggled terribly, so much so that I had begun to fear I might never get back in gear.  At last my academic  motor is humming along quite happily.  Now if only the university would grant us a few more days  free from classes in honor of this latest round of wintry weather, I may go romp in the stuff with our dogs  and stick  my own face in the fluffy stuff  like Lucy.  Better to bury your face in the snow than your head in the sand, I suppose.

Classes resumed normally today, and for the most part it felt good to be back on campus.  I am sad, however, that I have had to cancel my students’ service learning project for this semester.  This, in fact, makes me sick, as it is usually my students’ favorite activity.  Deborah offered a couple of suggestions today about alternative projects.  My students usually work with Habitat for Humanity.  But her ideas were all food-related and would not mesh well with my class focus on place.  So, I believe, I will abandon the idea of service all together for now.  I simply don’t know how to make it work in the time available.

Today I did group conferences in my office–usually an opportunity for students to practice peer work shopping while I am present and able to offer feedback.  Often peer review is not successful when done in a classroom setting, so I try to make the experience more meaningful and productive by modifying how and where it happens.

On another note, I might mention that we are expecting another round of wintry weather tonight and tomorrow.  Hopefully this will not interfere with classes, as more missed sessions would likely cripple my students progress, what little of it we have been able to make.  At this point I’m looking more and more forward to extended time away from the classroom.  The first week of May and my departure for Asia can not get here soon enough–oh, to be Bangkok bound!

Something is very wrong with me today and I don’t know what it is or how to define it.  I only know that I want to curl up in a ball and hide from the world–sleep–maybe read.  I feel anxious.  Actually more than anxious. I’m experiencing a sense of foreboding that comes close to terror every now and then.

S. asked me earlier what was bothering me, and I insisted nothing was amiss.  But I was wrong, and S. saw it all before I did.  She said I seemed spacey–out of it.  And I do feel a bit dissociative.

I wonder if this could have anything to do with it being Super Bowl Sunday–a Super Bowl in which the Pittsburgh Steelers are competing, nonetheless.  Does this relate to the dread I experienced as a child on days like this?

Lord!  I just don’t seem to have time for this blogging thing.  Yesterday I spent so much time reading student essays that I wrote nothing.  Today it feels equally challenging to find time for  this.  Presumably one must carve out space in the day for this kind of creative process.  Oh, well, at least I’m writing something now.  Surely that effort makes up for some squandering of opportunity earlier in the weekend.

At any rate, S., Laura, and I went to see Revolutionary Road late this afternoon–a worthwhile way to occupy  a cold Saturday in January.  The movie, starring Kate Winslet and Leonardo DiCaprio, is about a young couple, April and Frank,  living in  the suburbs of the 1950’s, attempting to not settle for all that life represents–attempts to domesticate the American dream or any dream for that matter, to settle for the ordinary over the extrordinary, comfort over discomfort, routine over adventure.  It’s about what happens when we attempt to domesticate any radical way of thinking or being in the world, about what happens when revolution becomes a destination rather than a journey, what happens when being and evolving are reduced to  been there and done that.

And, I guess that’s what this blog is about in some ways–about our unwillingness to suburbanize ourselves, our refusal to tame our own wildness, to believe that the West is something to be conquered, that our impulse toward the native should be colonized on some suburban block in some subdivision or other.  Clearly we would rather run with the wolves than domesticate the dog.  We are women; hear us roar.

S’s offer letter has not yet arrived.  We received an email early Tuesday morning that the letter should come that afternoon.  This is Thursday evening and still nothing.  It’s beginning to make S. crazy with worry.  I feel less concerned, believing she would not have been assured the letter was in the mail, if indeed the offer were in danger of falling through.  It’s hard for me to imagine a scenario where that would be a possibility.

In the mean time, we continue to make progress cleaning out the junk room and preparing it for paint.  Today we managed to move all of our Christmas decorations into the attic, along with boxes of miscellaneous God-knows-what, including a dog crate, old journals, picture frames, television, VCR/DVD player, empty cat food cans, etc.  You name it, it’s up there.  The only items not stashed over-head were candles and photographs.

I might also mention that S’s sister Laura is here again tonight with her little dog Grace–Ralph and Lucy’s canine cousin.  It feels good to have them here.  However, as I type this my eyes keep closing and I am more than ready to rest.  In that spirit I think I’ll roll over, turn out the light, and dream of all things Asian.  Good night.

I mentioned yesterday that we had ice and snow.  However,  conditions have worsened today.  Two days ago the inclement weather began with snow, before changing to freezing rain.  After more than 24 hours of icing, this morning the snow began again and continued until mid-afternoon.  Public schools have been closed all week and are canceled again tomorrow.  The university has been out for two days, but I can’t imagine that we won’t have classes in the morning.  I can anticipate not having to go to school tomorrow, if tree branches are still falling at UK or sidewalk ice has not been cleared.  I would love to stay home again, as then I won’t have to work again for the rest of the week.  At least we, unlike many across our state, have electricity.  My brother and sister-in-law and S’s father and sister, Laura,  are all without power.  In fact, Laura and her shitzu Grace are staying at our house tonight to both have light and avoid hypothermia.

Besides drama regarding the inclement weather, there’s still not much excitement in our lives.  S’s offer letter did not arrive yesterday and didn’t come again today.  In the mean time we’re continuing to clean out our junk room for Rachel.  And actually we have made some  headway in that endeavor–finally.  I had begun to fear the junk would be piled in there for another decade at the very least.

At any rate, I should finish this, so I can visit with Laura.  This is the first time she has ever spent the night with us, and we won’t be here much over the next year to spend time with her.  Certainly, we’re excited about our upcoming adventure, but it will be sad to be away from our families.